Get drenched to purify... Har Har Shambhu!

The weather forecast today showed thunderstorm and continuous rains till after noon. The clouds looked darker than usual from the balcony of my 15^th floor apartment. 

 

Why did they look all puffed up?  Like a small child’s cheek who didn’t get his favourite candy, sitting with a pout to sulk and show her mama the pseudo anger and fake upset… Cheeks that if touched any minute, will blow out air from her mouth…

 

I kept glancing outside to the clouds while managing my routine chores… wondering what will break them open and make them pour? My thoughts suddenly went to the traffic jams, the broken vehicles, and many commuters who will be on the road today facing the downpour… especially the ones who are walking endlessly these days (Kawariyas), with an intent to bring the holy ganga water from far-away lands to their respective towns and villages across north India. Each one of them wishing to complete Rudrabhishek of Lord Shiva (the ritualistic bathing in Hinduism of a Shivalingam with various offerings, typically including water, milk, honey, and other sacred substances). 

 

The practice is meant to be performed with devotion to invoke blessings from Lord Shiva – the one who has no beginning and no end, known to be the greatest yogi, a god that teaches us to learn the art of balancing responsibility and detachment. However, I see an irony surrounding this whole concept… haven’t we all (devotees on the road or off the road) made it all about satisfying our egos and achieving something… totally opposite to what Shiva teaches… letting go and surrender, embracing one and all…

 

Woah… and while I was writing, it started to rain… and what a visual it is…. Misty, cool, making everything in the surroundings look beautiful and serene… 

 

Maybe our lord wouldn’t mind it for once if we let Him do our Abhishek (maybe that’s why he has sent the rains)… so that we can enjoy the wisdom that he keeps pouring down on us (and we keep refusing to learn in our obstinacy)… Hasn’t he been teaching us through his entire being… love, devotion, passion, acceptance, all that is so vital to life and existence… just like Shiva… 

 

Let us experience life and his presence fully today… get drenched and purify…

 

It will be stupid to think we can give something to the one who gives us all… and even if today (Shivaratri) is about giving him something, let’s give him ourselves (our whole being)… with a promise that we will walk endlessly on the path of self-transformation… when we strive for peace and evolve through him, attaining our true self will be possible on this spiritual journey...

WALK TOWARDS LIGHT, WALK TOWARDS LIFE!

The sounds are now growing louder and louder

Ones coming from inside have started to bother

Should I call for help, how will I find my way?

Or should I let the darkness engulf me again today?

The hand that touched me was not that of a stranger

But I didn’t feel comfortable, nor an ounce of pleasure

Am I allowed to scream, or should I stay silent forever?

When will I and my choice ever matter?

Isn’t it time to walk towards life and light again?

Instead of giving in silently to my suffering and pain!

Responding to Life…

Have you ever noticed what is your usual response when someone asks you… 'How's life?'

I know it is so automatic and default that noticing it is the last thing we have on our mind. But let’s take a moment to really recollect what we or others around us really respond with when someone asks them – HOW IS LIFE?

I don’t know….….….  Life, what Life? ….….…. It’s Boring….….…. It’s a total waste….….…. Just got better….….…. nothing much, going on….….…. Perfect, just like me….….…. Am sleeping, stop bugging me….….…. Impossible….….…. Interesting….….…. Much better than yours….….…. Dude, do your work….….…. Its OVER!!!

Interesting responses… aren’t they?

But wait, some of these actually look like a reaction more than a response…

As if someone is threatening or hurting us… as if we need to justify... as if we need to lie or hide how it truly is…

Some of it is pained / troubled… some of it is avoiding… some of it is disbelief… some of it is denial… some of it is total disinterest… as if life is just something we are waiting to get over and done with….  

Well, you must be wondering why this sudden interest I have of how I or people respond to the question “How’s life?”…

Well, sudden as it may be, but if you look closely, you will see that our response to this question actually resonates with how we respond to what we call “life” and how our “life” occurs to us…

Since last week, I am closely observing my ‘responses’ to life every moment of every day… And when someone asked me how’s life… I suddenly had this to say…

Life is as it always is and it has always been...

Full of surprises and things that are unseen...

Some days, it brings us the best of what it has got...

And some days, to live we have to give our best shot...

Life is about experiencing, not about anything to do...

How you see every moment is completely up to you...

A burden may occur like a duty to someone...

A privilege may feel like dependence & burdensome...

May be what you call 'truth' is a personal interpretation...

Your view point based on some thought, some sensation...

Thus, living each day of this experience called life…

Can either be described as a victory or a long strife…

But in all this never forget one very important thing…

It is you and only YOU who is giving it any meaning…

~~ Written by Shweta Bashani ~~

Fill the Void, Train Your Voice…

Have you ever wondered what is that single most thing that makes you so happy and joyful that you keep marching ahead on a path that seems endless, even through pain… or dare to try again and again even after repeated rough experiences?

I suddenly realized what it is for me…

Yesterday, during a conversation with the man I love, it suddenly struck me that deep down in my heart the sound of his voice in my ears, saying “I am proud of you baby” is what energizes me… pushes me… tells me that all my efforts, whether big or small do not go unnoticed. Someone, at least one person, is watching carefully, is interested and appreciative of all that I do or attempt to do.

What is my experience? Of course total bliss or maybe more… something that I can never ever understand or express. There is a surge of passion and determination to do all that I can to make him proud of me.

As I sat in silence, pondering further over my discovery, flashes from the past kept appearing… and most of them came with a reminder of the void or absence (more than the presence) of such an experience – of being accepted, appreciated, and acknowledged for all the sincere efforts that may not have ended in victories or of the victories that came after tasting many failures…

I am sure while reading this you can experience something too… maybe discovering what makes you move in life or the one voice that you keep waiting to hear with words that energize -- a father, a mother, a sibling, a teacher, a boss, a lover, or a friend…

My moment of discovery was also marked with a sad realization that major part of my life I have been waiting (though unconsciously) for someone or the other to fill that void… to be that voice that tells me how proud s/he is of me… little did I realize that the more I search the more it eludes…

But wait… Was it really that a voice was absent to push me? Or was I not ready and willing to listen?

No matter what, there is one voice that has always been with me… my own voice…

What has it been telling me?

A tear rolled down my cheek and there was a sudden jolt in my body… I sat startled to the core at what my voice has been telling me and what I have been listening to… “You are bad… You do not deserve”

And surprisingly, the voice has been so loud and speaking for so long that it has drowned all the other voices that have been telling me how proud they are of me… no wonder I felt a void…

But won’t that be the case every time… my voice will always overpower the rest… Nothing that anyone says will resonate if my voice is saying something different…

So what if no one really notices my efforts or my victories… So what if there is no voice to tell me, “I am proud of you”… I guess the only way to fill the void is to train my own voice…

To fill the void forever, there is only one way

It is time to train my voice to repeatedly say

I am proud of you, every moment of everyday!

Born to Break the Shackles & Make a Difference…

What do you really want? What would satisfy you most?

What does it take to assure you of the truth that you are a man?

A shudder, a scream, a struggle, a surrender... or repeated cries perhaps, from every little heart

“I wish I wasn't born a girl, I wish my life didn't start”

If you think you will force us to curse our own, you are wrong…

If you think you will push us to fear being born, you are wrong…

If you think we will die in a tough world you create, YOU ARE WRONG...

We were, we are, we stay the SOURCE where life itself starts...

For all the pain we have ever experienced, we will forgive…

For all the tortures we have been put through, we will forgive…

For all the setbacks we have received in our lives, we will forgive…

No moment of disgrace will let us forget the STRENGTH that we are…

From a soul and a seed to a grown-up being, you questioned you restrained…

Innocent childhood, discovering teens, budding youth, everything curtailed…

For some a liability, for some a burden, for some an object to use when there is a need…

Non-existent status, we will enjoy no more, we demand a CHANGE in every thought, every deed…

We stand in LOVE for everyone; why should we deny ourselves the same…

RESPECT and PRIDE in who we are, we will not be thrust in guilt, blame or shame...

A FREE spirit like any one of you, time to honor what the Master has created…

We are born to break the shackles & make a difference, not to succumb or be defeated!!

A Daughter’s WORLD…

A conversation with a close friend made me complete a piece of writing today that has been pending since 2-3 days now. As she was sharing her heart out, speaking of the loss of a relation, and the probable opportunity to love and be loved in return, I kept listening and supporting in my own way. But all in vain which was apparent in the sudden outburst from her... “You are not getting my world right now.”

My first reaction, just like any other human being, was, “Ya sure… if after going through whatever I have gone through in life, you think I am not getting your world, so be it.”

But, keeping the reaction aside, I picked up the phone and called her just to get her world. I do not know what support she was looking for when she said “my experience right now is of a big loss”. But I hope and pray that what I said somewhere encouraged her.

I believe what holds true for her, holds true for you and me too. Whenever we experience loss, it is time for certain things… time to give up something, time to forgive yourself and the other person, time to accept the situation as it is, time to make all that has happened insignificant such that it does not impact you, and biggest of all time to acknowledge yourself that even with all that has happened in your past you still had the courage to LOVE and a capacity to take risk, unlike many people who never give LOVE another chance.

Now about the piece of writing that got complete. Though this is dedicated to my papa Mr. K.L. Bashani, I am sure it will resonate in every one's heart, especially a daughter’s heart because their world is all the same... where her first love, her papa, is missed, and the experience of this LOSS, no one can ever fill.

I still miss the one who loved me beyond measure...
I still miss the one who is my life's greatest & most precious treasure...

He loved without expecting and gave when I didn't even ask...
He accepted me the way I am and not the face covered with a mask...

He taught me to give, he taught me to care, he taught me to love…
For my own needs, he taught me to ask the heavenly father above…

He cried when I was hurt, his eyes would have tears before mine
He would keep doing things silently, and I would continue to shine

His elation knew no bound; his joy was complete when I won in life
But he made me tough, taught me to be relentless in all the strife

When death took him away, I experienced a LOSS beyond repair
Till time healed my wounds, and I learnt again to accept and share

I am glad I let go of the bitterness within and carved a joyful pathway
Being one with him forever, I am guided by the light of his love even today

To experience his love in this lifetime is an eternal blessing indeed...
I wish and pray I can be like him, especially in my character and my deed...

“Beat the Death in Life”

The slogan on his t-shirt caught my attention the same time he did :)

‘WOW’... ‘What a way to put it’… ‘Catchy huh?’… Different expressions from people reading it… but they all must have been struck with something common -- profoundness of the message.

We read it… we appreciated it… we even laughed about it for long. But what I did not realize was that the phrase would keep running in my mind even the next day.

Few minutes into the day, I receive an email from him with the source quote, from where the slogan may have been picked… interesting indeed… and so thoughtful of him :)

“You can’t beat death but you can beat death in life, sometimes. And the more often you learn to do it, the more light there will be. Your life is your life. Know it while you have it.” ― Charles Bukowski

I have been reading the quote again and again and again since morning. And every time I read, I wonder how it would be if we humans can actually learn to really beat “death”…

Don’t worry I am not talking about the death that separates us from life, the one that is inevitable. We can’t control that and I am not even interested in having any control over it. What I am talking about and really interested in is the one that renders “deadness” to our lives… something worse than death itself.

And all of a sudden there was a blank that hit me -- complete bankruptcy, devoid of any thought, action, and for sometimes even any emotion – “deadness” maybe.

But thankfully, everything gushed back after few minutes with a full force. And along came the shocking realization that there are STILL so many areas in life which are “dead”. Even more shocking was the fact that I have not done anything about bringing “life” to these areas.

I asked myself, “Are they not important?” The instant response was, “Of course they are.”

“Then why this silent acceptance... What are you waiting for… Some MIRACLE to happen?”

Maybe I am… we are talking of some MIRACULOUS stuff here… Right? Maybe it does require some divine intervention… something that is “beyond” us…

And here it was… the divine intervention I believe :) My enquiry, like always, brought a response along with it – the access is “beyond” us… “beyond” me!!!

I am not sure about you, but time and again my belief grows strong that the only access I have of beating the “deadness” in my life is to focus “beyond” me…

Beyond “me” is a space to connect and create
Beyond “me” is a space to stand and contribute
Beyond “me” is a chance to beat the “death” in life
With the souls who are ready to conquer their strife
When I put aside my life, I can easily go beyond “me”
I remove many barriers and set the flow of “life” free
My efforts to breathe life into other human beings
Will surely beat the “deadness” and all that it brings